The Noble Adventure that Ultimately Sucked
Bit One: The World's Most Uninteresting Mann
Henry Harrington was an uninteresting mann. In fact, he was so fundamentally dull and forgettable that the king had forgotten to invite him to the new years party at the royal palace. Henry considered that a great success.
Lord Harrington sank back in his overstuffed arm chair and regarded his latest work fondly. It was an updated map of the royal city, freshly inked and set on the drafting table to dry. A delightfully boring bit of vellum, thought Henry. Totally unremarkable in every way, simply a map of the city with no surprises to be found.
The cartographer closed his eyes and smiled a wholly uninspired smile, then drifted off into a largely unimaginative dream. It was then that an appallingly interesting turn of events took place, and it all began with an irritating knock on his front door. The noise woke him with a start, and he nearly tumbled out of his chair.
“I’m coming, I’m coming. No need to cave my bloody door in,” shouted Henry as he approached his bloody door. It was probably a messenger, sent to invite him to the king’s party after all. He opened the door, but not before practicing his fake cough a few times.
“I’m terribly sorry, but I’ll not be able to attend-” the cartographer stopped mid-excuse.
Whoever was at the door was certainly no messenger. It was a young mann of perhaps twenty years, with curly brown hair and a lopsided grin. He wore off-white gambeson under a mail shirt, with some armor plates, a heraldic surcoat, and a plain black shoulder cape over top.
“Who are you? What’s your business?” demanded Henry Harrington.
“My name,” the stranger paused for effect, “Is Sir Porter Absolan, slayer of unholy beasts and knight to Her Grace Duchess Mayfel the Mad. And you are?”
Henry, not about to be outdone, swelled his chest and pointed his nose skyward, “I am Lord Henry Harrington of Westmire County, Chief Cartographer and trusted adviser of His Majesty the King.”
The knight hesitated for a moment, “Well then, ‘Lord Henry Harrington of Westmire County, Chief Cartographer and trusted adviser of His Majesty the King,’ the king wants you to join my expedition.”
Henry blinked, “You what?”
“The king would like you to join an expedition into the Northern wilds,” repeated Absolan, sounding more than a little impatient. He then produced a scrap of important-looking parchment and held it up proudly, "See here, the details of the expedition marked by the royal seal."
Henry shook his head, “That’s ridiculous! I’m the king's cartographer for Haven’s sake, go hire a bloody adventurer.”
Henry was about to slam the door when the knight shifted his posture, allowing his cloak to fall away and reveal the longsword at his hip.
“I can’t imagine why, but His Majesty wanted you specifically. So unless you want to upset the king I suggest you gather your tools and come with me.”
There was a protracted silence between the two as they stared each other down. In a contest of ego, lesser noblemen were perhaps the fiercest combatants to be found. Eventually however, Henry broke away and turned to go gather his supplies.
“Meet me at the Fighting Cock when you’re finished — and remember to travel light!” Absolan called after him. And so it was that the world's most uninteresting mann got off his fat arse and went on an adventure.
(More to come. Feedback is cool, I'm a newbie to both writing and the lore behind CoE.)
