I remember this place… I saw it once… Was it a dream? Is this real? I walk slowly down the hallway filled with shelves upon shelves. Each shelf has many compartments. Each compartment has many scrolls. None of them interest me. In the far distance there is a light. I think I see something moving. I shrink against the shelves. I am holding my breath. But then I realize there is no distant figure. There is only the light moving through the shadow. Maybe they are dancing. I feel music but there is no sound. There is no sound? I look down and I see my feet moving but I hear nothing from them. Some of the scrolls are shifting but I do not hear them. I put my hands to my head and my clothing does not rustle. Yes. Yes I definitely have ears. I feel my face flush with excitement, with fear, but my heart does not quicken. Heartbeat! I grasp my chest where my heart should be… nothing. I open my mouth to scream. I feel my maw gape, my vocal cords tense, my tongue shift… I hear nothing.
I feel the music.
I’m moving again. Toward the light and shadow that have stopped their dance. I don’t feel my feet pressing against the hallway. My hands are still clutched to my chest, but I don’t feel them. I am losing pieces of myself.
I am not afraid.
I have moved clear of the hallway. I am in a room filled with absolute light on one side and impenetrable darkness on the other. I am in a room… Am I? There is no room. There is no I. There is only the light and the dark. I am the light.
I am the dark.
I understand that I am all things and nothing. I am shining and bright and confined and imperceptible. It is amazing yet ordinary. It feels natural. I perceive something opening and understand its contents. I don’t have words to describe it. This something holds everything that I have ever witnessed. I can review every memory I have ever had. I perceive it to be me and not me. It is not who I am but it has shaped what I have become.
I am memory.
I know only that I must review everything I have learned and everything I have failed to learn. I see other beings in these memories with eyes I do not possess. Some are shining so brightly that there is nothing but them while some are so cloaked in darkness I nearly fail to see them. Most of the beings I see are neither light nor dark but some mixture of the two. What are these beings? I wonder. I recognize a pattern emerging. Repeating memories show lessons I have failed to learn. I hold out my hands to cup the lessons. I see my hands. They are blue, then red, then peach, then brown… and suddenly the beings in my memories are no longer Light and Dark. They are blue, then red, then peach, then brown ….
I am Mann.
I cup the memories and move forward with them. I pass through the light and dark. I see the worlds. Reflected from the worlds I see faces. There is a man and woman. They are young farmers. New faces appear. There is an old woman and a younger woman. They are in a brothel. Short people, tall people, some male, mostly female. I feel the music again. It tells me to choose.
I cup the memories and feel them press into my chest as I move ever forward. The faces are melting away as I understand they would not allow me to learn the lesson I must learn. I feel a great wind upon my skin that is blowing me forward. Two faces crystalize. I am looking up at them. They are smiling down at me. The great wind is slowing down to a gentle breeze. I hear bird calls and the sea. I smile up at the faces.
“Hello mom. Hello dad.”