Greetings from Happy Hemlock Inc!

Greetings Elyrians from Happy Hemlock Inc.

Allow us to introduce ourselves. We here at Happy Hemlock Inc take pride in providing

you with the perfect poison for every occasion!

We promise it will rapidly debilitate your target, you, or loved ones relatively painlessly

(Promise subject to change depending on attitude of customers.)!

Need a Royal incapacitated, or does your Uncle holding your inheritance need the extra

kick to help him pass on into the next life? Then we have the trick to fix that tick!

Whether it’s the rats in your cellar, or the invalid husband who broke his leg stumbling

home from a late night of drinking at the pub who broke his leg and is now laid up for

months unable to till the fields, so now you have to get a second late night job as a

dancer at the local gentleman’s tavern, after which you took a reasonable life insurance

policy out on said husband in case his leg becomes gangrenous and heaven forbid fever

conveniently takes him!.... Um Where was I? Oh right! We have the fix!

Accidental poisoning or regrets? We got you covered! With Happy Hemlocks “Accident

Antidotes” and “Grief Counseling” Divisions. Accidental poisoning? With a simple

payment of a week’s labor or a child contract as proxy, and the receipt, Antidotes can be

created, shipped, and delivered within 10-20 business days (Due to high demand,

recommend Pre-ordering or add to cart prior to check out.). Grief Counseling? Coming soon!

4/29/2019 10:23:20 PM #1

Looking for an exciting and rewarding career in war profiteering? Happy Hemlock Inc Is currently seeking to fill these listed positions!

• Marketing manager (Experience in Contractual agreements is priority.)

• Cargo drivers (positions open for land and sea routes.)

• Security (All security shall be granted monthly allotment of poisons and corresponding antidotes. Janoan’s given priority.)

• Agricultural specialists (Bio-hazard experience highly recommended.)

• And Product tester (All races accepted as proof we are an equal opportunity employer. By applying for this position you agree to provide your own health, life, and liability insurance, furthermore you agree to accept all liability for on the job injuries whether short-term, chronic, or terminal and understand that this is a hazardous job and agree to all terms listed.)

Happy Hemlock Incorporated, Shop here and Die happy!

4/29/2019 10:41:33 PM #2

Coming soon, a new line of Citrus flavored products, to help put a little zing in your death!

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